I have learned that pleasing everyone is a recipe for disaster and the farthest thing from being true to authentic you. I get that it’s not possible to please everyone, and yet it wasn’t (Let me be honest… isn’t) an easy thing for me to actually learn how to apply in practice. I am a people pleaser. I want everyone to be happy with me.
This life principle brings me back to my first…be myself.
The very act of being yourself will sometimes disappoint, hurt, frustrate and repel other people (which you will almost always be painfully aware of). Not being yourself will ALWAYS disappoint, hurt, frustrate and repel yourself (which is harder to be sensitive to at first but far more painful and destructive)
The reality is the reason I try to please everyone is so that I wont have to feel unliked—or alone. And yet, it’s inevitable—not everyone is going to like me and I am always alone in my experiences!!!
So the more important question is…can you like you? Can I like me? Can you not abandon yourself?
This is big—can you get to the point where your allegiance to yourself becomes more important than pleasing someone else? What do you need? What do I need?
In your life—this is the place where you become brilliant. When you stop worrying about what other people will think. Or maybe still worry, and get hurt when you disappoint someone, but you have the resources, both inner and outer, to support yourself in doing the work you need to do in order to continue being more and more yourself. This reality is both liberating and terrifying.
Life is about integrity…integrity in the sense of being more whole. More yourself. Bringing together all the parts of you, and not hiding or holding back. But also integrity in terms of alignment. In this case, alignment with your truth, as opposed to contorting yourself to fit what other people expect of you.
There is a lot of lip service given to pursuing your whole and truthful self. The underlying message seems to be: “Be your whole truthful self as long as it falls within the guidelines of being loving, compassionate and spiritual. “
There is nothing wrong with any of these attributes as they are my teaching and life points, and they are wonderful when that is your truth. But what about when it’s not? Where’s your place when you are feeling hateful, annoyed and full of doubt?
Life is so much more than this surface-level posturing towards some theoretical ideal of physical, emotional and spiritual “perfection.” It is the realization of the self!
I refuse to believe that our life should be performed; luckily, I am not doing it anymore. I also refuse to believe that people are okay with moving through their lives without true connection, without risking following the quiet yet persistent voice of their own deepest self, without a felt sense of their own tender and indestructible spirit.
It’s hard because it’s scary as hell.
If you’re willing to live and go to the places that scare you, to soften when you want to get hard and attend to the complexity of your life through presence and practice…then you will do so in honor of your spirit.
I want to play my part in helping create a world full of people who have the courage and the spirit to set aside fear and live in alignment with their deepest, truest most full self.
It happens one person at a time. And it starts with me. Me as I am right now!! No demolition necessary…just the willingness to stop the acting and start living and shining!